I used to complain all the time about the amount of pain I was in. I would smile through to then go home and wallow in my own pity saying "it's not fair." "I'm too young for this to happen". And even though those things are true. Still to this day. I wouldn't give up those experiences. Because I know they have a purpose in my life. I got through every single day of pain. I went through periods of coming off of a plethora of medications (sleeping and anxiety meds among others) that made me withdraw so much I had sleep deprivation and I couldn't control my body. I begged and pleaded to God to make it stop. It eventually did. But what I didn't understand then was that I NEEDED to experience that. Because today. Just when I think I can't do it anymore and I'm "done", I wake up the next day and continue to live because the grace of Jesus gives my strength. It has not been easy in the slightest. It's been hard. For a long time. My biggest regret isn't that I was/am fighting this internal battle, it's that I let my illnesses and everything wrong with me get in the way of life. I allowed it to control my life. And I'm not anymore. My daddy said something to me one day that really resonated with me. He said "wherever you go, you take you with you." So no matter if I felt really bad or not, I was either gonna feel sick at home and be by myself in my pity party, or go out and have the opportunity to smile and laugh, because I was gonna feel like poop anyway! So I might as well try to have fun. Couple of weeks ago Jesus stepped back into my life after I took a year long "hiatus" from church and study. I really did because I got to a point where I didn't want to be bothered with anything. And Jesus stepped back into my life and brought amazing people into my life to pull me out of my literal hellhole. He spoke through people to me. Those people know who they are, they know that what they said made no sense to them yet they felt compelled and urged to tell me and I obliged. And what they said made sense to me only. I can honestly say I had never felt so loved, and relieved. Because I knew that my Lord and savior had answered my prayers. It's not something you can really put into words. It's a deep feeling of knowing that it wasn't just a random conversation between two people...this was a message. Some people may say I'm a Jesus fanatic, or believe what they want. But I'm here to tell you that Jesus saved my life. He brought me back from severe depression. Severe. He literally and physically showed me what I could be if I tried hard enough in my life. Who I could become. Who's lives I could change. And so here I lay in bed. Wondering where my life will take me. What does my future hold. Jesus already shows me his way and I'll look out for the signs so he can show me mine so that I know what to do to serve him. Wether it be making simple posts like this or singing in church.
Tonight I'm watching the Hulk. I had a rather productive day. I drove everywhere by myself which I never thought I would be able to do again. Am I in pain? Yes. Am I sitting here with a CBD version of icy-hot rubbed on the left side of my body? Yes. I smell like a huge jar of Vicks Vapo Rub. But it works. Nerve pain and joint pain is not a joke. I fell down a flight of stairs and I damaged nerves alone the left side of my body. Recovery from this had been brutal. Physical therapy is hard. But I do it because there are thousands upon thousands of people who have prayed just as hard as me to even walk. To see, to hear, to be able to move on their own, breath, even live. I have these opportunities and I spent too long wasting them. No more. I wear my Jesus saves t-shirts all the time. I wear them proudly because he really does save. He saved me. Even when I didn't want to believe. He figuratively spirit slapped me back into "non pity reality" and I am FOREVER grateful for that. As well as the family he has given me. All of my family. My honey, my church, my parents my brothers and sisters, everyone. I looked out my car window today and saw beauty in the world again for the first time in a long time. I felt free. I was living. I AM living through the great I AM!!!!!
Jesus saves, I know it as a fact, if you're already low, what have you got to lose? Even if you're not low, entertain me. Give it one shot. You literally have nothing to lose and only everything to gain. This is not a religious thing, I am non denomination. A beautiful soul at church today, during announcements, said something beyond true. Our church is called the "No Name Church" because the ONLY name we need to know when we walk in there is Jesus. We're they're to praise him. To learn, to get refreshed, to sing awesome music with and awesome band. To fellowship with each other. We have breakfast. It's not a "chore" to go. I grew up catholic. I know the feeling. I get excited to see my family. At 24 years old My mother asked me to come and listen to this guy. And I was DREADING it all day. It was a water baptism at a friends house in a kiddie pool and I was dreading it because it already sounded cult-like (😂) I get there and am literally sitting there laughing with someone who also was "dragged". Then when he starts to talk I couldn't believe the things he said. It just in general but about me. There's not one person on this earth who would know these private things and thoughts that I have never shared with anyone. That I got creeped out but there was only ONE explanation.
I. was. never. Alone.
Jesus had been listening to me all those years. And I got in that kiddie pool SO FAST. And my life was changed forever. And in 2 weeks I'm getting in another pool to do it again. To repledge my life to Jesus after losing my way.
GUYS. I love science, I am a huge skeptic about everything. But I have a general knowledge that nothing is impossible. You need tangible evidence that something existed? Look at me. Look at my family, my father, my mother, the things they do for people. The way their lives have changed. How is that not evidence enough. It is for me. I see it. I feel it. I wish that all my friends and family can feel it too. All I hear from skeptics is "prove it"..."show me"..."evolution". Granted, it's hard to believe something you can't use your senses on. I do get that. But those same people don't have a counter argument when I ask them to disprove it. So many people I know will believe in aliens before they believe in God. And do I think that we're the only life forms in this seriously vast universe within more universes? I think it's a physical impossibility. BUT I believe that God does not need me to know. I don't care if I ever know stuff like that. This world is temporary. Maybe I'll find out in another world. Whatever it may be. Whenever it may be. I'll read the Good book. Live the best life I can. I will NEVER be ashamed of loving Jesus and praising him wherever I am. I do not care what anyone thinks. I'm not here to impress anyone but Him.
When I was 24 I had nothing to lose. And in a matter of 3 hours I had gained everything.
Are you willing to give it a chance?
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