Ticks, mood swings, and Jesus.

     As most of you know I have Lyme disease which you get from a tick. I never knew I had so it turned into a chronic mess. And Tuesday night I was laying in bed and Patrick noticed a huge tick on the outside of my leg. And I Haden's fully BITTEN me we JUST caught it before it started feeding. That doesn't mean I'm OUT of the woods but it doesn't mean I'll contract anything either. So obviously after everything died down and the tick was off me I was so bent out of shape I couldn't sleep because all I could think of was "here we go again!!! I'm gonna get worse and what's the point of this shit anymore!" I totally went into my OCD ballistic mode. My personality turned into nasty and I was pissed off (rightfully so after what I've been through). I woke up the same way yesterday. I was irritable. I was curing at people on the road. I did not want to be bothered and I just wanted to lay in bed and be left alone. I totally went depressed. I felt my brain switch into its deperonalization mode. (Google it because it's hard to explain lol) 

     So I'm going about my day and I am in RARE FORM!!! I don't feel well I'm physically exhausted from the day before, I didn't sleep well, I'm thinking about this tick, I'm thinking that I have to pack by Friday night, I'm worrying if I'm even gonna sleep to wake up at 3:00 AM on Saturday. I'm worried about how my back is gonna be in the car, how we're driving so long. My agoraphobia... everything I could worry about I worried about. That by 5:00 in the afternoon I had stressed myself out so much mentally that I gave myself panic attacks ALL NIGHT LONG. I was laying there in my depressed and anxious pity, not talking and it occurred to me that during the day I had made a HUGE MISTAKE to how I started my day. 

     Every morning for weeks I've been trying to keep my morning focused on Jesus and thanking him for giving me another day to be alive and saying prayers. That's the first thing I do every morning. I wake up, I roll over, grab my phone, see the time, and open my "verse of the day" on my bible app. And yesterday I did not do that. I started my day with worry, and irritablility because I had so much to do. That it was 2 hours before I even opened the app and by that time I wasn't even interested. (Second mistake) so the entire day was just me feeling mentally and physically shot. I wanted to scream and cry and shake and break down all at once. So I went to talk to my mom and she had a very similar day. Irritable, tired, rare form, cuss words, (which is usually my thing) and I told her we needed to pray and she had also told me she didn't start her day with Jesus and didn't hit the word at all!!! I said "you know when other people are you YALL NEED JESUS?... that's us right now so let's pray". So we got out some blessed water, sprayed ourselves senseless and prayed. It was my first time I felt the urge to "take over" he prayed because usually she does it but I had he urge to speak and I was so proud and grateful!!! She was as well.

     All the good days I've had these last few weeks have started with me in the words even if it's just the verse of the day. And sharing all my Facebook posts. It's SOMETHING. Instead I fell back into old terrible habits, I decided that I wasn't gonna be happy when I woke up. I kept letting the negative thoughts and influences throughout the day get to me instead of putting my heart in Jesus. After prayer I felt so guilty for letting that happen. But I'm not perfect. And I believe everything happens to teach us something. I had a pretty crappy day. but if I didn't have that crappy day, I wouldn't have realized how important and necessary it is to start the day in the word. Because it will completely turn your mood around. It will start your day on the right foot. With a right heart, mind, and soul. So today I did. And I am already having a better and more productive day. That's enough for me to never do it again. 

     The next week I'll be on vacation with my family. It may rain the week were there and I'm gonna make an effort to open my bible every morning. And BE in the word. Because it's the most important thing to do!!! So lesson learned. START YOUR DAY WITH JESUS!!!! 

JESUS JESUS JESUS!!! 

There is power...in the name of JESUS!!! 

Onwards to a better day- Cassie

🙏🏻💚🌸🦋✝️